Its been quite a while since im feeling the way im feeling now, though the answer to my very own question is still far from obvious and what i hope it would be. I told myself to make it slow, like a lullaby so i can just put it into my dreams. Im so afraid of falling in, cos i know, i'll never be good enough, never be good enough for anyone, for you. I try to control and refrain myself from feeling the way i feel, cos i feel inferior. I have no confidence, no confidence in myself.
Slow and steady it may seem, percentage of it being part of my own wishful thinking seems even higher. Slow down, cool it, let it flow naturally. Be the girl you've always been Amber, hanging up to sell till someone sincere enough is here to steal you away.
Its been a while, a long long while. Since its 2am, im here not to announce, but to remind myself that i've been unattached for 15 months and counting. That's 1 year and 3 months, and im still going strong. Strong, a word i've always been using on myself. Im strong, i pretend to be strong, but yet time and time again, i fail to be the strong lady i yearn to be. To cast aside all setbacks and face the music of whatever consequences problems may lead. Im always running away, running and shunning from what i should face and handle. Strong, is it too big a word used on me?
I'll be dancing tomorrow at 12.30pm at the Plaza, catch me there if you can. Camp later at night, wouldnt be home for 2 nights. I'll miss my computer, miss my msn messenger, miss...you.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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